You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
