I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize