You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
