So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It was confusing and full of hummus
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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