i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
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YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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