This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
