I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
