I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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