What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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