I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
