Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
