and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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