that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
