Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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