That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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