well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize