The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
