That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
