Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
