Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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