My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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