We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
