If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Non-Jews are for practice
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
