how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
