i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
