At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize