If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
