mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
