I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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