i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
