Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
