you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
