im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
