so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize