Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
