How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
