Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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