He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
