what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
