so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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