If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
