so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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