I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
