She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Can I color on your dick again?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
