My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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