i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
