you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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