You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
