so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
