we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
