Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
