I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
high people should be assigned attendants
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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