K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
