She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
