Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
