So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You are a genius and a whore.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
