Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
