so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
