She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
