Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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