it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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