WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
