is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
