So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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