So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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