I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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