Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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