i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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