Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
