Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
