Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
