I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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