And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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