there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
