Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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