its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
